yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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