Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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