Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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