So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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