I don't usually arrange sex via text message
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I think I have vodka in my lungs
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
