so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
