You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
