Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
