the new term for farting is butt boxing.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
