JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
