Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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