she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
