my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He told me they were just razor bumps!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize
