I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
