Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
