i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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