i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
