I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
