I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just gargled with NyQuil
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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