I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
