hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Quick, to the slutcave!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
