I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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