Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
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