After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
