wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
