why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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