You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
