no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
