Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
