Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
