I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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