sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
