Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
