my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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