True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
