i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
