I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
