No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
