I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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