Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
whose ass print is on the piano?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
