My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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