Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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