It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You smell like stripper and shame
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
