Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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