i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
