I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
