Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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