My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
