if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Randomize
