I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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