oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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